Defeat?

For those of you who don't know, I've been (slowly) working through this Paul study with Beth Moore.  I took a break from it to do a study with the counseling staff this summer, but I was so happy to return to it (not that the other was bad by any means).  Day 37 really hit me where I needed it—which I think tends to happen when you're working with the God of the Universe!
It was all about failure, revealing how frustrated Paul was after dealing with the Athenians in Acts 17.  For people who were so intellectual and seemed so open to new ideas, these people were incredibly closed to the Gospel!  While a few men and women were saved, their faith does not seem to be very strong, and Paul never mentions a church being built there—and this was after one of the best salvation messages ever preached!  And yet Paul left in frustration.
The next place Paul traveled to was to Corinth.  Unlike when he went elsewhere, Paul had a new sense of defeat; a sense of frustration and failure.  And yet, the Corinthians responded well, because Paul was humbled anew, and was able to allow God to work through his inability.  It says that Paul came to them "with weakness and fear, and with much trembling" (1 Corth 2:2), and God used him even more.

It brings to mind this past summer.  Stacy and I had to teach our own lessons, and this is something I was more uncomfortable with than I would like to admit.  I was intimidated.  I have no teaching experience—other than leading a few Bible studies and counseling the year before—and those I directed towards the individuals, and on what topic I felt they needed to cover.  This was entirely different for me.  I had a set topic.  I had a wide age-group.  I had very little self-confidence.
It's hard to try and be a "teacher" when your co-worker actually is a teacher—and a great one at that!  But it was great to see God use those times.  While I had a few lessons that "flopped", my inadequacy revealed my dependence on God, and He was able to lead me towards lesson plans that I would not have considered within my topic before hand.  He revealed new ways to send a message and opened oppertunities during individual times with the campers.

Everytime I said: "I can't, I'm not good enough"
"He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness'." (2 Corth 12:9)


Who knows if anything stuck?  If they will even remember me?
I sure don't.  But I do know that God can use those times when I feel most inadequate to do great things.

On My Heart and In My Study

For the past year or so a few things have really been on my heart.  The reality behind some of the 'rules' that we place upon each other as Christians has struck me and has become a continual tug upon the strings behind my soul.
Legalism—or in plain English: Tiring rules with little-to-no foundation.  Most of these rules are unwritten, and some are even good things to follow, though are not "laws" and should not be shoved upon those around us.  We as Christians often strive to take God's place unconsciously, or try to put our individual choices upon others and make them follow them—or label them as "bad" or "less spiritual" Christians because the do not play by our rules.
For example: Because it is my personal choice not to drink alcohol does not mean that I have any right to look down on those who do.  Nowhere in the Bible does it say "Thou shalt never drink a drop of fermented drink".  Christ drank wine, am I better than Him?

Nope, 

Nada, 

Never

I do reserve the right, however, to confront my friend who may have a drinking problem, because we are instructed to refrain from drunkenness (Eph 5:18).

Anywho, it has been so great to read about some of this in my Paul Bible Study.  It's sometimes hard to let God be the Boss.  To allow Him to make the rules, and not try to make my own.  To remember that I am so sinful myself, and that I cannot be better than someone else just because I wore a skirt to church last Sunday while someone else wore jeans.

The Lord does not look at the things people look at.  People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart. 1 Samuel 16:7b

Oh Pauly — day 1

I just started my Beth Moore bible study on Paul.
Excitement? YES!
And she's starting with the historical context?? Yes!  And even using a witty story as an aid to her points? YES! She must have done this before, cuz she's pretty good at it!  This Jesus-loving-history-buff is quite satisfied with the commencement.
It began so simply—reviewing the very beginning steps to how God prepared Paul for his ministry to come.  He was born into a good family, one that could give him the education that would become such a large tool in the future, the social standing (Roman citizenship) that would save his life, and the traditions that would give him a strong understanding of the God who commanded his life.  But despite this, Paul was born into a hostile world—one that did not smile upon his religious traditions—similarly to the world that we live in today.  I was challenged to look at how I respond to the way that my faith is received around me.  While in "the bubble", it is easier, in the 'real world', I know that I struggle with finally coming out and saying the truth—telling people how it is.  I can live out the faith, I can stand apart and be a witness towards something better—and people do notice that I have something different and even tell me so—but aside from a few instances, I still stutter when I try to tell people why I am filled with hope (1 Peter 3:15).

Day one and I'm already hooked—it's going to be a good 90 days or so—challenging, but good.  New book, new journal (also very exciting), new adventure (just finished classes for the semester—one final to go and I'm DONE), and a new drive to clean out the clutter in my living area! Who knows where this is going?

Excited for the new—but also glad to be returning to some of the old for a while (home!)

Helping Paul

Something I began to muse during my devo this afternoon:

Why do we always ask God to show us what our task is while we are here on Earth? In a way, we seem to expect him to navigate us from the passenger seat, while we take the steering wheel and perform the 'mighty task' that He has left for us. Rather heroic and exciting, but faulty from my point of view. God is the driver, there is no question about that—He has command of the car and He alone will perform the stunts. We are to help him throughout the 'road trip of life'.

But how do we know that our task in life is not as simple and small as turning the radio down? Or opening a window? Or reminding someone else to buckle up? We cannot all be the Pauls, and brush the snow off the car, making it easier for others to see, or push the car out of the mud. 

Some of us are here for the 'little' jobs. But these small jobs are no less important! What would have become of Paul—or the Church—if God had not provided people would could give him food? Or encourage him with something as small as a kind word and a smile? We cannot assume that God has a brilliantly elaborate plan for us alone—the Author is much too talented for that (and sorry, but the heroic main character position is already taken: Jesus Christ)! We might be here to give a single hug to a Paul—right when it's needed.

I've been praying, almost daily, for God to show me his will for my life.  What his purpose for me is, and what I should do with my life in order to glorify him. As a college student, it is particularly frustrating, I feel pressured as I make the decisions that will effect, and change, my entire life. I question daily if what I am doing is the most I could give to Christ. I struggle to find out how I could be the snowplow—going strongly before Christ, clearing the way for Him. But now I can see that just because I'm a Christian, doesn't mean that I have to be a Paul. I could be a young boy, with 5 loaves of bread, and 2 fish—or even the mother who gave him the food, or the merchant who provided.

Am I 'distended' for the mission field? I haven't the slightest idea! But even if I am not, I know that my job here is no less important—even if all I do is allow a fellow passenger to lean on my shoulder and snore in my ear before he/she continues with his own task.